My Freedom Changed, But My Purpose Didn't
Every morning I wake up with reminders of God's love written across my body.
They are scars and some are from procedures & surgeries over the past 3 decades that I underwent at civilian, military and VA hospitals during a period when doctors didn't expect me to survive. It began when I was 24 years old, a little more than 4 months away from my 25th birthday, when my life took a turn that I never could have imagined.
For more than 3 intense years of hospitalizations, transfusions, procedures, surgeries, and a ton of medication, I lived with the possibility that my life might end much sooner than I had planned. When you're that young, you don't normally spend much time thinking about dying. You're thinking about building a future, raising a family, pursuing opportunities and accomplishing something meaningful with your life. But suddenly, my future was uncertain.
I learned something during those years that has stayed with me ever since. Life is precious and the time we're given isn't guaranteed. I came to regard those difficult experiences as personal messages from God. I call them "personal love letters from God".
They were not always pleasant, some were extraordinarily painful but I believe God used those experiences to teach me things that I might never have understood otherwise. I had an assignment. What I didn't realize was that decades later another of God's love letters would arrive in a place I never expected (a federal prison camp).
The Scars We Both Carry
When I talk about my illness, it's easy to focus on what happened to me. The hospitalizations, surgeries, the uncertainty, and the possibility that I might not survive, but there's another part of that story that deserves just as much attention.
My wife, Patty.
We were young and had a family to raise and a life that we were trying to build together. Patty was just 22 years old when circumstances forced her into a role that neither of us could have anticipated. Imagine being a wife and a mother, still learning how to navigate marriage, motherhood and the responsibilities that come with building a family, only to find yourself caring for a husband whose life is in jeopardy.
That was Patty's reality.
She wasn't trained for what she was being asked to do as a caregiver, she was a young woman with a bright future in front of her and suddenly she had to take on responsibilities that under different circumstances, would have belonged to medical professionals.
Yet she still had to be a mother and I sometimes think about how much those years demanded of her. While I was fighting to survive, she was carrying responsibilities and emotional burdens that no young wife should have to carry. There's something tragic about that. When people hear about someone surviving a serious illness, they naturally focus on the person who was sick, but families live through those experiences too. Sometimes the people standing beside the patient carry wounds that aren't visible. For example, my scars are physical but Patty's and other caregivers of seriously ill patients are not visible as they carry them in silence.
I don't tell that story to make our lives sound more dramatic than they were, I tell it because it matters. Whatever I've accomplished in the years since, Patty has been part of that story. We're a team and we have been together now approximately 40 years, and on January 9, 2027, we will celebrate our 39th wedding anniversary. Through those years we raised our children, served the Lord, and shared experiences that have shaped who we are today.
Our 3 three children have continued serving the Lord through their churches and communities and that means something special to Patty and me.
Not because we're perfect, or lived a perfect life, we haven't. It is special because our commitment to Christ has remained central to the life we've tried to build and when I think about the years ahead, I don't think only about what I want to accomplish. I think about what Patty and I can continue accomplishing together.
The Commitment I made
During my illness, I had time to think about things that most people are too busy to consider...
What would happen to my family if I didn't survive? What would my absence mean to the people who loved me? What have I done with the years God has already given me?
And perhaps most importantly, if God allowed me to live, what would I do with the time that remained?
Those questions changed me, and I came to believe that God had spared my life for a reason. Not because I was more deserving than anyone else, and not because I had some extraordinary ability, but because he had given me gifts, opportunities, and responsibilities that I was expected to use for His purposes.
I made a commitment to Jesus Christ that I would devote my life to serving Him with whatever abilities He had entrusted to me.
That commitment wasn't limited to church activities, it included my marriage, children, business interest, relationships, and the people I would encounter along the way. I've always believed that
our assignments are often carried out through the ordinary opportunities God places before us. Sometimes through ministry, family and even business, as there are no limits for God and his vision for our lives.
Sometimes it's helping someone solve a problem, encouraging a person who has lost hope, or teaching someone something that might improve their future. Over the years, Patty and I have had the opportunity to serve the Lord, including internationally. I've spent much of my life building businesses, working with people, developing ideas, and looking for ways to make a meaningful contribution, and I loved doing those things (perhaps a little too much).
When Serving Became Overwhelming
Before my incarceration, my life had become extraordinarily busy. I had business responsibilities, clients, projects, meetings, telephone calls, appointments, ministry commitments, family responsibilities, and people who needed my attention. Most days I would have more than 100 email messages before noon, calls to return, decisions to make, problems to solve and people waiting for answers, not to mention the appointments.
Many of those responsibilities involved things I genuinely cared about, that's what made the situation so difficult to recognize. I wasn't spending my days doing things I considered meaningless. I was helping people, working, serving and was trying to fulfill the assignment I believed God had given me.
Somewhere along the way I became so busy responding to the demands of life that I wasn't giving enough attention to life itself, I had become numb. There was always another email, another call, and another person who needed something, another responsibility that couldn't wait. When you live that way long enough, you can begin to confuse being constantly available with being effective. I was not taking care of myself the way I should have.
I was not taking enough time to rest, and although my faith remained important to me, I wasn't always making room for the uninterrupted time with God that my spiritual life needed. I spent years trying to use my life to serve others, but I wasn't always being a good steward of the life I had been given, and there's a difference and I do understand that more clearly today!
An unexpected love letter came and then my life came to a halt, and I call it “The Elephant In The Room”
I know there is a question readers will have: How did someone we've known through family, business, church and community service end up in a federal prison? I won't pretend that question doesn't exist, I'm incarcerated following a criminal case and a guilty plea. I understand that people may have heard accounts that left them with questions about me and the life I am discussing with you now.
I am not using this article to try my case, make accusations or discuss evidence that belongs in the legal process. There are matters I continue to take seriously, and there are legal limits to what I am able to address publicly. I hope those who know me will not reduce an entire lifetime to a headline, or court filing, or this one chapter.
I am still a man who loves his wife, family and believes in Jesus Christ, who wants to serve his community, and who knows he has more growing to do. I also have things to confess about myself, for example:
I allowed pride to take root as I became too comfortable accepting praise for abilities, and ideas for which I once instinctively gave God the glory. I am ashamed of that change, and I have confessed it to Him, acknowledging that spiritual failure is not the same as accepting every characterization of me that others have encountered.
I love my country, and I remain a proud American. I believe the justice system is in desperate need for improvement, however I am not so foolish as to not see that it is the best in the world and just because it didn't work for me doesn't mean that it is not very effective. Yes, as you can see I hold both perspectives at once (both it is the best system, however it certainly can be improved).
When I think about what comes next, I often return to the story of Joseph and his words in Genesis 50:20, when he was talking to his brothers.
"But as for you, ye thought evil against me; but God meant it unto good." I am expressing my faith that God can bring something good from a chapter I would have never chosen. That belief does not erase the questions or the pain, it gives me a way to life faithfully while I face them.
Incarceration has taken away freedoms that most people rarely stop to appreciate, for example:
The freedom to go where you want when you want
To wake up beside your spouse
To spend time with your children and grandchildren whenever you choose
To make ordinary decisions about how you'll spend your day
Those losses are real. I don't want anyone reading this to think I'm suggesting that incarceration is an easy experience, or that separation from your family is somehow insignificant, because it isn't. There are things I miss that no amount of personal growth can replace.
But something has happened to me at this season of my life...
I've had time to think, time to read, time to sleep, and time to take better care of my health. I have undisrupted time with God which is great because disruptions had become such a normal part of my life.
At 61 years old, I'm running several miles a day, doing hundreds of push ups, and other exercises that I was not even doing in my 40's. I'm able to read extensively, teach classes, mentor young and middle aged men, and I am paying closer attention to my physical, mental and spiritual well-being than I had for years.
I truly feel healthier, more focused and in some important ways, I feel more alive. I sometimes wonder whether this season of my life may actually be helping me preserve years I might otherwise have lost through the pace I was keeping. That's my personal reflection, not a medical conclusion, but I do know how I feel and I know how I was living before.
One of the most unexpected developments has been the way my relationships with Patty and our children have continued to grow in all of this. The physical distance hasn't eliminated the importance of those relationships, if anything, this experience has reminded me how precious they are. I have more time to think about the people I love and what I want the years ahead to look like. I don't believe every difficult experience is automatically good, but I do believe that God can use difficult experiences to teach us, redirect us, and help us see what matters.
That's why I consider this season another of His Love Letters, this first one taught me how precious life is, this one is teaching me to be more intentional about how I live it.
My Freedom Has Changed, My Assignment Hasn't
One thing I want to make very clear is that I haven't stopped working toward the purpose that I believe God has given me. My surroundings changed, opportunities look different, but the assignment continues. Here at the camp (federal prison camp), I teach GED and tutor inmates and help them prepare for their future after prison. I work with men who are trying to figure out what comes next and many of them need encouragement. I can go so far as to say that many of them need practical knowledge, and someone who is willing to challenge them to think differently about their decisions and responsibilities. I also assist men in the camp environment and encourage them to contribute to a more positive culture. These aren't the same responsibilities I had before incarceration but they are opportunities to serve and they are no less valuable than the serving I was doing prior to federal prison.
I've learned that you don't have to wait until your circumstances are ideal to make a difference, you can begin with the people and opportunities right in front of you. As I stated previously, "my freedom changed, but my assignment hasn't".
What has changed is my understanding of how I want to fulfill that assignment in the years ahead.
The Life I Want To Build With Patty
When I return home, I don't intend to retire from serving God or helping people. Quite the opposite, I intend to devote the remainder of my life to the work I believe He has entrusted to
me. But I will approach that work differently. Healthy aging will be one of my priorities, as well as my continued partnership with Patty. I want us to enjoy the life we've spent building together as we invest more intentionally in our children and grandchildren and leave them a legacy that extends beyond business, financial gain, accomplishments, or material possessions. I want them to remember what we loved, how we lived, how we treated people, and what mattered most to us as a family.
Ministry and community service will remain important parts of my life. I also intend to become a better steward of my time using a lot of the principles I began to study before I came to prison in a book by Dr. Ben Hardy and Dan Sullivan called "10x Is Easier Than 2x", particularly the idea that greater results don't necessarily require more effective activity. Sometimes they require greater focus, better decisions and the willingness to stop doing things that consume time without making a meaningful contribution to your purpose.
For years I measured much of my productivity by how much I could accomplish. Going forward I want to be more intentional about what deserves my attention in the first place, including the protection of my free days. The days when Patty and I can enjoy one another without allowing work, business, or outside demands to dictate every hour. I want us to have time to continue our traveling around the country and visiting our second home country Colombia and just simply enjoy being together. After everything we've experienced, I don't want us to spend the years ahead constantly postponing things that matter, I want us to live them. This doesn't mean abandoning responsibility, it means managing responsibility in a way that supports the life God has given us and I believe that's part of fulfilling my assignment too.
Why I'm Writing Beyond The Fence
I've decided to begin sharing these reflections because I believe there's value in telling the fuller story of a person's life, a life can't be adequately explained by one event, one accomplishment, one failure or one difficult chapter.
I've been a husband, father, grandfather, businessman, entrepreneur, community advocate, teacher, mentor and follower of Jesus Christ. I've experienced success, made mistakes, endured illness, and had the opportunities to serve people around the world.
Now I'm experiencing life from inside of a federal prison camp and all of these experiences are a part of my story, but none of them by itself tells the whole story. That's what this series "Beyond The Fence" is about. I'll be sharing thoughts about faith, marriage, family, leadership, business, healthy aging, personal responsibility, and the lessons I'm continuing to learn.
Some of those reflections will come from experiences that happened long before my incarceration. Others will come from what I'm learning and doing today. Some in fact will be about the life I hope to build when this chapter is behind me as I don't have every answer, I'm still learning, still growing, and still trying to become a better man and servant of Jesus Christ.
I believe that the lessons we learn through life's difficult seasons can be valuable to others when we're willing to share them. Nearly four decades ago, a serious illness while serving in the military forced me to confront the possibility that my life might end before I had accomplished the things that I hoped to accomplish. Today, another difficult season has given me an opportunity to reconsider how I want to spend the years that remain. Both experiences reminded me of something important; Time is one of the most precious gifts God gave us, and how we use it matters.
I lost my freedom, but I gained something I hadn't realized I was losing. Time to think, grow and strengthen my relationship with Christ and time to become healthier as I do that. Now it's time to reconsider my priorities, and prepare for the next chapter of my assignment. I don't know everything the future holds but I know who holds my future and I intend to make the most of whatever time He gives me.
Purpose, People, and Progress
Until Next Time
Dwayne Golden
